Today should have been Millie's 8th round of chemo. It wasn't. Before chemo was administered U of I did another met check. A met check is basically a chest x-ray to see if she had developed more nodules, or if the ones she already has have grown. I dropped Millie off at 8:30am, and was told to pick her up at 2pm. True to form, U of I called at 1pm to let me know the bad news. The IV chemo appears to have stopped working. The two nodules in her lungs have grown since the last x-ray (6 weeks ago). They are roughly 1.5 cms now, up from 1cm that they were then. One bit of good news is that she doesn't seem to have any more. So...while that IS good news...it's hard to really see that it IS good news. I suppose it is also good news that the nodules have not grown much more than what they were, but they have grown some...ugh.
Millie will no longer be receiving IV chemo. She will still be taking metronomic chemo and possibly another oral chemo drug, Palladia. These drugs help slow the growth of soft tissue tumors. Palladia can have some pretty nasty side effects, so we'll see how that goes. I'm willing to try it if it gives her more good time, but I'm not willing to force it on her if it gives her nasty side effects. Before trying it U of I wanted to have baseline values for her bloodwork and also a urinalysis. As it turns out, the Big Stink looks like she also is developing another urinary tract infection. Ugh. Her poor body.
The one thing that I am proud to say is that she is happy. So, so, soooo happy. She is loving her life and as far as I can tell, is in no pain whatsoever. This, by far, is the best news. She still does all the things she enjoys doing (eating, barking at strange dogs, helping to separate the cats when Hallie attacks Piper, eating, taking over the bed, cuddling, eating, swimming, car rides, special treats, going to work with me, chewing bones, eating, etc). If a stranger saw her today, they would never know that Millie is sick. She's the same nerd she has always been. I'm not ready for this to not be the case. I want a million more good days with her. There will never be enough cuddles or enough slobbery kisses. There are times where I worry so much it makes me sick. I worry about what it will be like to see her start to decline. Will I be able to recognize it, or will I be too wrapped up in all of this? I think I'll know, but it is hard to realize that is our future. I try so hard to focus on today. To make the best of each day, but it is hard not to be overcome with worry sometimes. Evan calls Millie a giant baby all the time. Not in a mean way, just that she's so innocent & unaware in a big body. I love this big blonde baby.
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